I do, I did, now what?

A few years ago, before I was even remotely interested in marrying someone else, I picked up a book called "What Wendell Wants: How to tell if you're obsessed with your dog" by Jenny Lee. Since I was, at the time, obsessed with my dog, I read it. I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF. Holy cow it was funny and definitely me. Well, I liked the author, so I picked up another one of her books called "I do, I did, now what? Life after the wedding dress". I read it and couldn't really relate to it, since I was then angry and bitter and didn't think I'd ever get married. I liked it, though, but I put it down and forgot about it until my sister was planning her wedding. I gave it to her, and I am pretty sure she read it, but I don't know what she thought of it. Since I'm planning my own wedding right now, I decided to re-read it, so I got it back from my sister.

Wow, is it a perfectly suitable book!

It's not about wedding planning, and it's not about how to have a perfect wedding. Or even a perfect marriage, really. I gathered that a lot of it is appropriate venting about her husband and how she copes with it all. And she said in the book that no one really told her what it was like to be married. She'd ask people and the subject would change. So she wrote the book in order to let people know what it's like to be married.

My favorite section is the one on housework. She writes specifically how her husband is very messy and does things like leave the condiments out of the fridge so they can gather bacteria and spoil. She writes about her methods to change that, like leaving little notes on the condiments to be put back and how that didn't work. So she stopped buying him condiments. She writes about the messes he made, like leaving a half-eaten apple on the couch for days, and how she didn't want to be a nagging wife but she didn't want to be his mother adn pick up after him either. So she decided to beat him at his own game and became very messy herself. After the piles started gathering, he caught wind of it all and decided to clean up a bit more.

I'm not a messy person, but I'm not overly clean either. I don't like clutter on the floors and I don't like shoes on the floors. Otherwise, I can let a mess sit there a bit before I clean it up, but I always clean it up. Jared seems to not mind clutter at all, and things just pile and pile until it drives me crazy. So I started picking up his shoes, which were always left out and would collect into multiple pairs of shoes, and putting them in the dog's cage. When he can't find his shoes, he knows where to look now. And just recently, b/c I got tired of picking up his pajamas off the floor when the hamper is RIGHT THERE, I just took them and hid them. He came home one day and wanted to put on his pajamas but couldn't find them. I told him I hid them. He didn't like that. He was actually very angry.

But I can tell you, his pajamas have made it into the hamper every night since.

I'm telling you, I am taking a lot from Ms. Jenny Lee. I like her style.

Heaven help me, I've discovered another blog to love

I sometimes wonder what I'll do after the wedding. What on earth will I browse online now? I've set my StumbleUpon bar to search only wedding websites and multiple times I've gotten the screen that says "You've seen all of the wedding sites there is to see. Stumble on something else!" But thank God, it gave me one more stumble. And I stumbled on this blog. Oh it's lovely. Down to the last detail. (Yay puns!)

It's right up there with Style Me Pretty. Yes, I'm cheating on SMP.

I've been searching through the pages, and nothing compares to this wedding.

They're green. They love their dog. They have focused on ways to make their wedding different. I like these people.

Now, I'd love to have an ultra-green wedding. I would love everything to be recycled material. But unfortunately, we can't afford a lot of the materials. We are using everything plastic, but I guarantee we will be recycling everything we can and I will have a recycling committee on hand to take care of those things.

And I very much wish Sheila weren't such a wonderfully spastastic dog so that she could participate in our wedding. We'd hoped that she'd be able to but we don't see it happening.

Either way, I'm in love with this site I've just discovered and this wedding I've found. Back to browsing all of the pages of ELD blog.

But first!

Here are some pictures that I just love of the wedding (notice the dog? I love that dog):

what a lovely shot

Is there a more perfect day to get married?

The dog shot! Oh my gosh!

Yes, please!

Our dog Sheila is NOT capable of this, but I can dream

Again, not a Sheila thing, but so sweet!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My last name

My last name is 9 letters. It's at the beginning of the alphabet (B) and it's usually mispronounced. I'm not sure why. It's pretty easy to read. There are authors who share that same name. It's not common but it's still not so uncommon that it's unheard of.

I have mentioned before that I have a major fear of being typical. Well, the "typical" bride changes her name to her new husband's name. I, being so untypical and rebellious just for the sake of saying i'm not typical, never wanted to change my name. I've always said "I'm not property" and "Why can't he take MY name" and all the other wannabe feminist musings, but really all it was was that I didn't want to be like everyone else.

So before Jared and I got engaged, I told him I'd never take his name. Yeah, pretty mean, and he still wanted to marry me. But now it's closer adn closer to the wedding (3 months tomorrow...eek!) and I can't wait...again, I CANT WAIT...to take his name! Oh man, I'm so excited to take his name. I want everything to be "Mehgan C***" now. I want to go ahead and change it on Facebook. I want to get all of my legal documents changed already. I want to change my email addresses to include my future last name. I want to be a C*** (ha, it looks like I'm typing obscentities there...)!

His last name is 4 letters and still at teh top of the alphabet. It's also common but not so common that everyone will have it. It is the last name of a famous musician, so we get a lot of jokes about that, but I don't care. I want that last name! I want to wear it proudly and say "Why, yes, I AM Mehgan C***. Nice to meet you. I am Jared's wife. Yes, yes, we had a lovely wedding. Did I tell you my new name? It's C***."

I just feel so detached from my current last name. I was typing it the other day on a site and had to look for a second to see if I spelled it right. Then I really started looking at it. Every letter. Sounding each letter out. Obviously I've spelled my own name for 28+ years and know how to spell it and how to say it. But it just doesn't seem me anymore.

Let me explain. I'm not completely attached to my family. I love them. I really do. But we're just not close anymore. Once my grandparents on my dad's side died, it's like we all went our separate ways. We still communicate and what not, but with the exception of some cousins, my relationship with my family doesn't extend beyond Facebook friends and Christmas cards, as much as I love all of them. My grandparents were the glue, and they're not here to hold it together anymore. My sister has her husband's last name, my grandparents are gone, my dad and I are not close anymore, and a few cousins I'm still close with are the only ones who hold the name anymore since they're male. My grandparents were married 61 years, and I have a few uncles adn aunts who are married long-term, but I'm just not a B******** anymore.

Now, Jared's family is another story. They are all close. They love each other. His dad is an only child and so his grandparents have just 2 grandchildren (my fiance and his sister). But the thing is, they're close. They have a lot of love in their family, even though that side is small. And his grandparents have a nice happy longstanding marriage. My fiance's parents are lovely people who have a great marriage and are married I think 27 years now. I, being the superstitious person I am, feel like it's almost good luck to adopt his last name so that we'll have a blissful marriage. And I'm glad to do that.

So I can't wait to go through the long and tedious process to change my name. Sitting at the Social Security office and DMV to get things switched over. Making a new email account. Changing my bank account. Oh, it's goign to be fun and blissful.

And I have to admit, I already made a Skype account, since I just got it, with my married name. And it felt great. I even put my Skype name as my status on Facebook yesterday so people can contact me there. That was a good feeling.

Do-it-yourself card box

I'm not crafty at all. Like, at all. I can't even spin yarn balls (more on that in another blog). I've never been creative and I have difficulty figuring out how to make things even with simple instructions. But I found something that I loved! A DIY card-box, for when the guests brought a card as a gift or as a wish-you-well and need somewhere to put it. I got the idea from this post, but we had to change it up a little bit. We bought cheap Dollar Tree picture frames and when Jared tried to screw the L-brackets in, the frames started to crack! So we improvised with a glue gun instead and it worked just fine. Next we used foam board to sit on the L-brackets. I covered the top of the foam board with a cute piece of green fabric I found at Wal-Mart (did you know they sell just "swatches" for like a buck? That was perfect size. I even had some left over...I'll figure out what to do with the rest). I hot glued everything I could, even the fabric onto the foam board. On the bottom, I just rested of the foam board on top of the L-brackets so the cards would have somewhere to land. It was really super simple! I have one piece left to finish. I'm going to try to find a lazy Susan so I can put it on the bottom and it'll spin around, like in the Road to the Aisle blog.

I spent less than $20 on this. 4 frames from Dollar Tree ($4), 4 mats ($5), 4 pictures ($1), 4 sets of L-brackets ($4), a cork board ($1), and a piece of green fabric ($1). I don't know how much the lazy Susan will be but I'm guessing not more than a couple of bucks!

The pictures we used were sort of fun. They're from our engagement shoot that our friends did. The one with the date in it was when we were trying to take a cute picture with our date in the background and Jared's phone rang. It was funny that our friends kept snapping pictures and the looks on our face b/c we didn't recognize the number. The other picture of us laughing is from Jared making some sort of inappropriate joke while we were trying to pose sweetly on a lawn. Then I love the picture she got of my ring...I didn't even know she took it until she sent it to me! It's the only "close up" I have of my ring so far. And the last picture is just one of my favorite pictures of us...it's just sweet :)

So here are the pictures of our card box. I'm pretty proud of it. Actually very proud.

Can you have a wedding on a budget of less than $5,000?

Someone posted a thread on a wedding forum I go on and asked this question. So far her guest list is at 47 people. A lot of people are saying DIY stuff and have a smaller guest list. Here was my response. I think it can be helpful to any bride out there who is on a very tight budget.

We have a guest list of 170 and we're trying to keep it under $3000. Definitely possible! We're doing great so far. It's all about priorities and the big picture.

By big picture I mean this: are your guests or even you going to remember 1 year, 5 years, 10 years down the road that you had fake flowers over real flowers? Didn't have favors? Had a friend taking the pictures? Probably not.

Here's what I recommend, even without having a smaller guest list to cut costs!

Brunch is much cheaper than dinner. Plus you can get away with not having alcohol (since it's so early in the day) but if you must have alcohol, mimosas and sangria are perfect brunch drinks that don't break the budget.

Call in favors from friends! If you know someone who loves taking pictures and has a nice camera, see if they're willing to do your photography as a gift to you! You can save sometimes thousands that way...photographers in my town go up to $1500 for 6 hours of shooting the day of. That's most of our budget! So we're getting it for free from a friend and his wife who are gifting their talents to us.

Network! Ask around about bridal shops, flower places, music, etc! A girl I work with told me about a bridal consignment shop. I was iffy on buying a used dress (I'm superstitious) but it turns out "consignment" to that shop meant inventory buy outs, so I got a BRAND NEW dress, valued at $2300, for $200. AND I asked the shop owner about alterations. Got my dress altered almost completely for less than $50 because of a lady she knows.

Consignment and thrift shops are awesome. You can get great stuff there. I got all of my centerpiece vases for less than a buck each at Goodwill.

I'm saving money on my hair and makeup the day of the wedding by having a friend do it for me with the makeup and hair stuff I already own. No need to buy extras.

Our friend's dad is a notary (all you need to marry you in our state) and he's marrying us for free.

We're having our wedding at a state park. The venue cost for the WHOLE day, including ceremony and reception with tables and chairs included? $160.

My shoes were $20 brand new. My necklace and earrings for the day of were $4 (yep. But I didn't see it as a priority though so I didn't want to spend a lot there).

I paid $50 for my bridal portraits from a professional photographer (and by professional I mean someone just starting out in the business...much cheaper prices than "seasoned" professionals and pictures just as great)
Our invitations were from VistaPrint and we got 100 of them for FREE. Sign up for the emails on VP b/c they send around free stuff all the time. Our invitations are awesome and were free. FREE! Can't beat that! Well, we did pay shipping, but who can really say they got invitations for $6 for 170 people?

If you do Save the Dates and RSVP cards, go postcard style! The postage for that is 28 cents as opposed to mailing an envelope for 44 or something cents. Our RSVP cards (bought off of VistaPrint) were free and they're postcards and we're saving a whole lot on postage. Same with the STDs...bought them when they were free (told you they have a lot of free deals on that site) and they were postcards so postage was much cheaper.

Make your own food. We're doing a brunch reception with NO caterer at all. I work in a restaurant and so many of my coworkers have offered to be our "staff" that day and help make the food. But you don't need to work in a restaurant to get that kind of help. Family and friends are usually willing to help with it. We're having all sorts of food with the help of our family and friends, so it'll be much cheaper than paying for a caterer.

I have an app on my phone that sends you coupons. Watch for coupons. I got a coupon for Party City that was 50% off of one item. No lie, and I know this sounds bad, maybe a little trashy, and probably a little dumb, but I printed off like 5 or 6 of those and went to Party City two different times and used all of the coupons. I went through the line as many times as I had a coupon (luckily there was no line, and the kid behind the register was fine starting a new transaction for me each time...b/c it was Christmas time). So I bought all of our silverware for our guests (the plastic kind that looks real) and spent $15 on all of it as opposed to $30. I looked stupid going throug the line that many times but hey, I saved money!

Same wth Hobby Lobby and Michael's. They have coupons like that all of the time and I've saved a bunch that way too.

That's all I can think of right now. If I think of more, I'll post again! But it's totally possible to have a wedding for so much cheaper than $5000.

Pictures, again.

I've been trying to compile a list of all the types of pictures I want the day of the wedding. As I said before, the pictures are the whole reason we're not just eloping. We want the memories and the pictures to look back on. So they're extremely important to us. I'm a bit photo-obsessed, definitely.

So in compiling this list, I've realized the ceremony pictures and the pictures of us seeing each other before the ceremony are the ones I want most. So people dancing, pictures of the centerpieces...all of those I could do without (though I want pictures of those too) as long as we get a billion pictures during the ceremony.

 I'm really set on making the ceremony sweet, fun, sentimental and very us. Jared is on board with it too, luckily. I've been to very long weddings (like Catholic masses) and very short weddings (vows, rings, kiss, done) and we both want a memorable and sentimental wedding. We want emotion, damnit! We want to laugh, cry, fall in love with each other all over again. We want it to be fun and memorable for all, though, not just us.

We've pretty much got an itinerary of how the ceremony will go. And I'm so excited for it. That will make all of the planning worth it to me. (And you all know how much I hate planning this damn wedding)

Here are examples of some of the pictures I'm set on. I pulled some of them off of a wedding forum I'm on and some are from Google Images. I don't know who the photographers are, but these pictures are very much NOT mine, they will never be mine, I didn't pay for them nor have I been paid for posting them (so there goes my copyright get-out-of-jail-free card). Of course the list goes on and on and on and on...my poor friends who volunteered to be our photographers! I still want all the normal pics...like my BMs together, the groomsmen together, pictures of us individually, pictures wiht the parents...etc. But some of these are my favorites :)

Ok seriously, how awesome is this?

I love feet shots

A sweet shot of the couple

The first look! Oh I can't wait to do this one

I like angles.

Details like this are so sweet

Another first look shot! I LOVE THIS

I want the faces of each of us seeing each other before the ceremony for the first time

A great moment

The perspective here is awesome

I love the idea of "diving" into the dress

Very cool

4 months.

Yep, 4.

And I'm starting to freak out a little. Just a little.

Ok a lot.

I had one bridesmaid tell me today that I'm allowing everyone to have too much freedom to choose what they wear and what not. That was sort of a wake-up to me. She said I'm the bride, it's expected of me to make decisions, and since there are 6 of them, I can't try to please everyone. I'm really grateful to her for knocking some sense into me.

But still, the people-pleaser in me wants to still step back and let them decide. But it's seeming to be a difficult task, with everyone having their own input. I feel like someone is going to be unhappy and I don't want anyone at all to be unhappy.

I don't know how to be assertive, especially when so many people are involved. I always want equality, and though I do have a hint of control-freak, mostly, I want everyone to be pleased. But it's coming time for me to make some decisions on my own and stop asking for opinions.

Things like "What do you think of these flowers?" and "What color shoes do you want to wear?" shouldn't be questions I ask of anyone except of myself and Jared. It's our wedding, yes. We know what we want, what we want our pictures to look like. We know how we want our wedding to go. So we know it's not up to everyone else. But it also doesn't help that Jared always says "That's up to you, baby." I swear he's going to have that etched on his tombstone. "Jared, do you want to do a first-look picture before the ceremony?" "That's up to you, baby."

I don't want it to be only up to me.

I just really hate wedding planning and we're in crunch time. The invitations are going out in a couple weeks. Then we'll get RSVP cards back (I hope!). Then we'll have to start buying dishes and planning food.

Money, money, money. Where will it all come from? How will we get it all done.

Someone give me an Ambien, plan and pay for our wedding, and wake me up on April 9 just before I have to walk down the aisle. Please?

Say, would you like a chocolate-covered pretzel?

This isn't wedding related at all, but I figured, what the hell, it's been too much time between blogs.

Last year, Jared and I were bored one night around the holidays so we decided to make some chocolate-covered pretzels. I couldn't fathom how to do it, but because he likes to cook so much, he decided to show me how to make them. It wasn't hard at all! Just some chocolate chips melted by a double-boiler (or a pan on top of boiling water that's in another pan) and some pretzel sticks and some sprinkles!

We made so many that I decided to give some to my friends as Christmas gifts since we were meeting for lunch the next day. They were a hit! So I really wanted to make them again this year because one of my friends mentioned how good they were last year.

So we made some tonight. We bought some pretzel rods (weird name) and went to work. Then we realized we had so much chocolate and white chocolate left that we had to do something with it all! I suddenly remembered that Jared got a little over-zealous at Sam's a couple months back and bought an entire box of small bags of pretzels, and the only one who has eaten them is Sheila, our dog, when she was able to get into the bottom cabinet they were in. Silly dog. But we still had dozens of bags left. Eureka!

And this picture is missing yet another pan and 2 plates more...

He asked me if I'm going to go overboard next year with them too and I told him yes and that we're starting our own holiday tradition. Right now we have 7 Christmas containers full of them and 2 tupperware containers full. I've been racking my brain to figure out who to give them to. We're meeting friends for dinner tomorrow night so there are a few of them gone. But who else?

Right now, I don't care, because my stomach hurts. Hurts so good...

Hair. An important decision.

I've got my bridal portraits scheduled for next Sunday with the lovely Michelle Daniel. I'm so super excited about taking them because I have a plan and I'm actually keeping the plan secret (a first for me!) so that Jared doesn't find out, since I want to give him some of the portraits as a gift. Anyway, I am scheduling my hair trial for the same day since there's this whole two birds/one stone thing going on. I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out how to do my hair.

Basically how I pictured my hair sans veil on my wedding day

I finally buckled down and decided that I will be wearing a veil that day, even though I am still telling myself how "typical" I will be (I have this weird thing about being a typical person, and since bride=veil, I'm having a tough time swallowing that pill). But I reasoned that I'll have just one day to feel like a bride, so why not go all out? But I like the way weddings look without a veil, and I love how elegant some of the hairstyles look.

Not my hair but basically how I do it, but messier

The problem is that all the hair styles I love and want to do to my hair is how I do my hair every. freaking. day. of. the. week. Pulled back, twist into a bun, have some flyaways, done. I wear my hair the same way every day because I hate having hair in my face and I'm growing it out for the wedding (for purposes such as this actually). I like the way it looks on me but I feel like I should change it up just for a day. I bought some really pretty orange and green hair pins from Etsy that will just look adorable in my hair, I'm sure. And I know how I want them placed and all, but given that I feel like I should do something different to my hair, I doubt they'll go where I want them.

Would love something like this but it won't work

The biggest dilemma I have is that my hair is so super fine. It doesn't hold  a curl, a wave, nothing. Hair spray is no match for my hair. So if I wear it down or half-down or quarter-down or anything at all, I can pretty much bet that it'll be, well, straight within 20 minutes. No lie.


So I'm struggling. I have no idea. I did some googling and found hairstyles I liked that could look good with my hair AND it'd be different from my normal 'do, but still similar to what I like. And my hair pins would go great with them.

So, I present to you some hair trial ideas. Thoughts?

Bottom left is a big contender

Love the ones on the left

Definitely one of the highest on the list

This is cute. Shows the placement of the hair pins I wanted

And this is probably what I'll end up doing, hair pin placement and all

All relatively similar hairdos but I don't know...none of them show a veil over them. I sort of like the idea of a splash of color showing through my veil so I'll definitely use the pins I've already bought. Just so torn...

Anyway, bridal shower tomorrow.....

Pictures Pictures Pictures...

I'm obsessed with pictures. I'm usually the only one of my friends who has brought a camera, and if I'm wearing a cute outfit, I try to get pictures of myself in it, standing with my friends. And I will not hesitate to say "No, take the picture length-wise!" I want pictures of everyone when we go out to places, and I love smiles and goofy looks. I love pictures!

I also upload pictures like crazy to Facebook, something that I'm sure annoys my friends. I take pictures of license plates, for example, that are funny to me. Vanity plates, mostly. I've even got people on board now! People send me pictures of funny plates, or they tag me in their Facebooks of ones they find out and about. So I know people know I'm picture-obsessed, but I always hope I'm not annoying about it.

And I'm definitely by no means a photographer...just love pictures. Memories! That's what they're for! Memories, people! I want to remember everything!  I know I get that from my mom. For years, she's given people gifts of pictures and photo collages. Bless her heart, she's not a scrapbooker or crafty by any means, but I love that she's so sentimental about them. For Jared's birthday, she gave him a collage she made of baby pictures of me. She loves them too.

So it goes without saying that my wedding photography is, with the exception of marrying Jared, the MOST important thing to me. The most! I want pictures of everyone...people dancing, people eating, people tying their shoelaces. I want pictures of me getting into my dress, getting my hair done, my bridesmaids getting dressed. I want pictures of Jared's face when he first sees me, pictures of my face when I first see him, pictures of us hugging...it's safe to say my photographers,  my very wonderful friends Chris and Kim, will have their work cut out for them.

My dream is to be featured on Style Me Pretty, as I mentioned in my last blog post. I swear, sometimes that's the whole reason why we're doing an actual wedding, rather than something simple. I WANT TO BE AN SMP BRIDE! Please? Oh please.

We're having a DIY photobooth, another thing I mentioned before. I want pictures of people having fun, letting loose, being goofy. I want pictures of everyone who came to the wedding. I want to know they had a good time! I want to look at the pictures one day when I'm old and losing my mind and say "Wow, it looks like people had fun. Was I there? Oh, I must've been. There I am!"

I got these done so I could look at myself

I'm also a little narcissistic, but only in the Greek way, not the psychological-label way. I love looking at myself and thinking "I'm pretty in this picture. Oh! I'm prettier in this one! Ooh and then there's this one!" So lots and lots of pictures, please.  Not because I'm the bride, but because I'm, well, Mehgan. That's me.

I know I'll have a bunch of poses and SMP links to share on a future blog post, if I can motivate myself enough to write more often than every few weeks, to give an idea of what I want, and to also organize a list to give to my photographers of shots I "must" have.

I've told Jared from the beginning that I want the pictures...not the dress, not the shoes, not the flowers...the pictures. That's what I'm most excited about, other than the fact that I get to marry him.

Have I mentioned before I can't wait to marry him? Gosh, i can't wait. He's the absolute best.

Ok hopefully I'll write more sooner! Bridal shower in 2 weeks. Bought my outfit tonight. Can't wait!

My favorite wedding...

I am so in love with this wedding:
http://www.stylemepretty.com/2010/10/12/do-it-yourself-wedding-in-austin-texas/

I want to include so many elements to it, but I don't want to rip off their wedding! I knew from the get-go I liked the chalkboard look, so I've been planning to use that for quite some time. But then when I saw how they did the baby's breath, I decided I love that look and want to do that! Only I don't know how it'll look with my dress, which is ivory. Regardless, it's cute!

I've also given up on Jared's groomsmen wearing vests, since of his guys are such different sizes. I orignially wanted them all in vests, then just the GM in vests and Jared in suspenders. Now I think it'll be too difficult for them to wear vests b/c of sizing issues, but I love the suspenders look. So yeah, another element of this wedding I want!

I even used this wedding as inspiration for the backdrop for our makeshift photo booth. I found a great sheet with a great pattern at Goodwill (no stains, either!) and will use that as a backdrop. The only thing is that it's not our wedding colors, which my little groomzilla was quick to point out! But that's ok...it'll look great!

I love Style Me Pretty so much. It's my wedding dream to be featured on there! They seem to like DIY weddings too, which is what Jared and I are doing. He even said today that he really wants people to know we put together an amazing wedding with very little so I know he's on board with it looking SMP-worthy, even though he doesn't scour the site like I do!

Another wedding I really love is this one:
http://www.stylemepretty.com/gallery/gallery/2304/6

Mostly for the Cornhole boards, which we will be doing. They also have their GM in suspenders, which is so great looking! Jared's on board with that too, luckily.

Can I just have their weddings? They're so beautiful and just look fun! That's what we want.

Just in love with Style Me Pretty and those two weddings...I can't wait to see how ours turns out!

Alcohol

We're having our wedding at a state park, and we are not allowed to bring alcohol. Our wedding and reception, therefore, must be alcohol-free. Because I don't drink, I don't mind this rule at all. My fiance is indifferent about it too. He drinks but not to the point of recklessness or dependency in the least. A lot of my family members drink, as do my friends and his friends. I'm definitely the odd-man-out when it comes to drinking.

I keep worrying that no one is going to have fun at our wedding. Really worried. Like to the point of nightmares. I wake up in the middle of the night feeling shaky and anxious, all because my dreams are of people sitting around with their arms crossed while music is playing but there's an empty dance floor. It's really starting to bother me.

I can have fun without drinking. I do it all the time. In fact, the last time I got drunk, I wasn't having fun at all because I was throwing up the whole time. So I haven't been drunk in 8 years but I've had TONS of fun since then! Karaoke, dancing, bachelorette parties...I always have a good time. So I'm not worried about myself not having fun, but I know that others aren't so ready-made for fun and need encouragement. I don't want people to come to my wedding and leave early because there's no alcohol. I don't want people to not come at all when they find out it'll be a dry wedding (it's listed as such on our wedding website).

So I'm plagued by this. We're going to look into seeing if there's a special allowance for private functions like this, but I'm not sure.

I don't know. I want my wedding to be fun, but I feel like the odds are working against me.

I'm a big-girl bride

I love Dove's real-woman campaign

I actually enjoy being a thicker girl. Like, a lot. I often stare at myself in the mirror and sometimes jiggle things and laugh with adoration.  I feel more womanly standing next to some wafer-thin women I know. I gots dem child-bearin' hips, whatup.

So I will start by saying I'm just 5'0". Short, right? Yeah, I guess, but I don't really notice it, especially since Jared is just 5'4" (and also chubby). Enough to be taller than me but not enough to tower over me like other guys I've dated. It works well.

At 5'0" and 28 years old, I should probably be about 100 pounds, according to an ideal weight calculator I found by googling some things (go ahead and shove it, you stupid calculator). But I am...wait for it...165 lbs. According to that calculator, my weight is enough for a 6'0" person. Well, that extra foot of height has been compressed and then divided into two very plump thighs. We call them the Burroughs Thighs.

Burroughs Thighs.

The Burroughs Thighs: given to all women on my paternal side from my lovely and very wonderful late grandmother. And now it seems the thigh curse has been spreading to a few more people in the family, namely my nephew, whom I've dubbed "The Chunk." He's cursed worse than I am. Poor kid. Good thing he's fricken adorable.

So back on topic, I'm fat. Well, at least my thighs are. Call me what you want...thick, curvy, plump, womanly, heavy. I know what I am. But I LOVE my body! I'm beautiful! My weight, though "heavy" for my height, is, to me, evenly dispersed among my body. I have an ass that won't quit (and gets me a lot of unwanted attention from men I don't care to talk to) but my thighs rub together so much that I could teach boy scouts how to start a fire. Thus, I wear shorts under every skirt or dress I wear. It helps the Chub Rub immensely. I'm grateful that I don't have a large stomach or a muffin top. So I feel like my body is a great shape and is big in the right places but not so big (notice I didn't say small) in the other places.

Anyway, I guess you could call me a plus-sized bride. My wedding dress is a size 14, which I guess equates to a size 12 in normal dress standards. Ok, great! Excited about that. I'm not "really" a size 14. The dress has a corset that ties up under the dress, and then the dress is zipped up over the corset ties.

Now, when I got this dress, I was thrilled that it fit "perfectly" and that I wouldn't have to tailor it except for the train and hem. But what I failed to remember was that every winter, I pack on some winter weight for hibernation purposes. And then it stays forever. So I gain at least one size per year. I don't get fatter; I expand. My thighs, when standing, just get wider and I'm pretty sure my butt grows out a little bit (like I said, it won't quit).

So I'm concerned that my dress won't fit come April. Not to mention that the cute little Filipino lady who did my alterations couldn't zip it completely (but I'll blame that on her one arthritic finger and the fact that it usually takes 2 people to do a corset properly...right?). I've never been one to diet. Like, ever. Dieting is stupid. I've always said I'd rather be fat and happy than thin and hungry. I LOVE my food (a bit of an eating addiction, actually, that I haven't allowed 12-step to fix for me just yet) and I hate exercise. My exercising is lifting a fork to my mouth and chewing.

He's sporty

I should also add that I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, so my only unhealthy vice is food, but I use that to justify my fatness. It works for me (I will remember this as I have my first premature heart attack). But I am going to attempt to eat a little bit better in order to shed a couple of pounds, if for nothing else but my wedding dress alone. Otherwise, I'm sure I wouldn't try to lose any weight before my wedding. I'm definitely not one of those brides.

On April 9, 2011, I will be a bride. A plus-sized bride. And I will look amazing. And I will eat wedding cake. Lots and lots of wedding cake.

Extravagance.

I guess because I frequent bridal message boards, I feel like everyone is getting married. And it makes me think of the finances of the day. People spend so much money to have the memories of just one day. I wonder sometimes if it's worth it. Not to say that getting married isn't worth it, but the wedding part...as in, what's the big deal? I read so many threads about what each person's budget is...I couldn't imagine spending more than we're spending on our wedding. Not to knock others who spend more, but for me, it's just one day, a significant day, yes, but still just one day. We will have the whole rest of our lives to do more and get extravagant about other things (like opening up a small coffee shop like we want to).

People ask us why we don't just elope because I make it pretty obvious that I loathe wedding planning. But the truth is, I DO want the memory of it. I don't want to go to a courthouse and get married and then go home and watch Family Guy. I want to be able to look back at everything and say "That was our day. That day was about us. And it was amazing." Even if things don't go "as planned", I want to look back and think "that was a perfect day." Because I'm marrying the best guy in the world and that's all that matters.

But really, even with the details and getting lots of people together to celebrate, why does it have to be so expensive?

The answer is that always "because people will always pay for it." Yeah, that's true. People go nuts over wedding planning and the details and have a tendency to spend so much money on things that people won't remember.

We're not rich. Not in the least. I work 25 hours a week, roughly, as a waitress. Jared works as a beer salesman and works 50 hours a week for less than he's actually worth. So we don't have a lot and we're paying for this ourselves. Even if we wanted help from others, his parents cant afford to help, and neither can my parents. So we have to stick to limited ideas and a limited budget. And in that way, I think we're setting ourselves up for a good marriage.

I don't know...maybe I'm putting too much thought into it. But I know that at the end of my wedding day, I'll be thrilled that I'm married and happy that we had a day dedicated solely to us. But we can have that without breaking ourselves.

Actually, I'm looking forward to the challenge to see how much we don't spend. Challenge accepted.

The Wedsite

The wedding website is up and running!

And I actually really like it.

Yes, I do.


http://www.mywedding.com/jaredandmehgan/index.html

Accomplishing nothing

One reason I find wedding planning so ridiculously irritating is that you can do so much wedding stuff and still accomplish nothing. Getting quotes, scouting, meeting with vendors, trying on dresses, looking at bridesmaids dresses, looking at wedding websites. You can spend hours and hours and days doing all of this and yet still have nothing accomplished or set in stone.

That's the dilemma we're facing right now. Just the other day, on his day off, Jared went to go look for groomsmen tuxes and suits. I'm very particular about what I want them to wear (vest but no jacket, white shirt, brown/khaki/tan pants, but absolutely nothing "tux-like", such as the silky, shiny vests with matching tie), but not so particular about the shades being the exact match or anything like that. So my recommendation to him was just to have the guys buy the pieces individually.  He wants all the shades the same though (new upcoming blog idea...thegroomwhocarestoomuch.com) on all of his guys. So he's picky and therefore scouting tux shops.

what I want the guys to wear...no jackets! No tux crap!

The problem is that some of his groomsmen are larger than the majority of most people (a couple guys in height, a couple in weight). And since suit shops operate on the idea that everyone is a classy size 6 (whatever that is in guy sizes), they don't carry what we want in his GM's size. So they keep coming up short. It could all be solved by each guy buying their own brown/tan/khaki vest and pants at a place like Target or JC Penny or fricken Wal-Mart for all I care, but Jared wants every shade to be the same.

So he scouted. He looked and looked. Visited every suit shop in town. Came up with nothing. Used a whole day to find this stuff and he's no closer to a solution than where he started.

Meanwhile, that same day, I was scouting new locations. We're still looking for a new venue but are facing money concerns and catering concerns. The place we do want that is affordable has a requirement that we use their caterer. We really don't want to do that. So that day, I made phone call after phone call, visited many sites, went to the actual locations...and we still don't have a place that we like and that we can afford (with just 205 days left. Yep).

So a whole day wasted. Nothing accomplished. No further progress. 

Eff you, wedding planning. Eff you. Hard.

Hello, blog. I have(n't) missed you.

A crazy 2 weeks, I must say. Moving. Housesitting. Getting a cold. Not caring about wedding stuff.

We're in the process of trying to find a new "venue." Our original spot is really great, really very pretty, and I really like it. We're getting it dirt cheap (literally) and can have it the whole day. It's exactly what I want...close to the water without being on the beach, but more of a garden feel to it. A nice spot. But there are downsides. We can't have both the wedding and the reception there...there's just no way to fit 100 people for the reception and the wedding in that one small space. We could do one or the other (the wedding woudl be better) but that's about it. Plus, there are no bathrooms, and we'd have to bring EVERYTHING. Tables. Chairs. Linens. Dishes. Staff to help clean and take care of guests. Everything. Literally.

So we're scoping out some places. I don't know what to do...we can't afford the crazy-ass prices that some places want to charge, but we know some of them are still considered really cheap in terms of weddings. But it's still more than we want to pay.

I don't know. That's all I've got. Apathy is in full swing tonight.

Utterly in love...

It's no secret that I'm a difficult partner. I'm high-maintenance and pushy and stubborn and sometimes downright mean. But the upside to that is that I always take responsibility for my actions, and I apologize once I recognize that I was in the wrong for any bad behaviour. Now if I could just recognize how to NOT be mean before I actually am mean, so as to bypass any amends-making.

I'm very high-maintenance as well.  Jared and I were watching When Harry met Sally one day and there's a scene that Jared just loves to scream "THAT'S SO YOU!" when it's on:

Harry, to Sally, while watching Casablanca together: Oh Ingrid Bergman. Now she's low-maintenance.
Sally: Low -maintenance?
Harry: An LM, definitely.
Sally: Which one am I?
Harry: You're the worst kind. You're high-maintenance but you think you're low-maintenance.

Jared loves to throw that one at me. But it's totally true. I love to think I'm laid back and easy going but I'm not. Something is always wrong, and I thrive on problems and drama, so starting fights is a common thing for me. But the thing is, now that I've had 3 years of consistent 12-step programming, I now recognize when I'm being ridiculous and fighting just to fight. And then I apologize. And Jared says it's ok that I'm like that because I always recognize my crazy and apologize for it, so that's why he doesn't fight back or give me the pleasure of the drama.

So right now we're in that relationship-state where we're not fighting, like, at all. Everything is blissful and enjoyable. And I like us like that. I like when nothing is wrong and when I am not trying to find things that are wrong. And if I am, he's very good about putting me in my place. Thank God for that, truly.

Right now, because of this state we're in, we're very lovey-dovey and cheesy with each other. Like we can't cuddle enough and we can't stop thinking of each other. And the random texts of "I LOVE YOUUUUUU" and immediate cuddling when getting home from work are amazing. And last night when I was suffering from a migraine and nausea and wanted to die, Jared was so sweet and just came and sat in the bathroom with me while I sat in a tub of cold water and moaned about dying. It's like we can't be away from each other for even two seconds because we then miss each other.

I've always wanted a relationship like Lily and Marshall from How I Met Your Mother. In the episode where Ted is trying to figure out what to say in his best man speech at their wedding, he finally comes up with how they can't be apart for even one night. They decided to spend the last few days/weeks before their wedding sleeping apart and not seeing much of each other, but they were actually sneaking out to spend time together in a hotel. In one scene where they're spooning, Marshall says "Can I be the little spoon now?" and they switch sides and continue spooning. Jared and I are very much like that sometimes, especially lately. There's also another scene where they're cooking in the kitchen together and Lily says "Oh I need more eggs!" and Marshall says "Ok, I'll come with you" and they walk over to the refrigerator together while Ted rolls his eyes at their cheesiness. THAT is the relationship I have always wanted to have! And we've already got the karaoke duet under our belt.

Now, granted, it's TV and TV is fake, but Jared and I, I can tell, are on our way to that level, and I'm so excited about that. I love that we can't get enough of each other, and though I have major intimacy issues, his patience and overwhelming love for me are getting me through that, and even those "tender" moments are getting better and better.

So that's what I am excited about with our upcoming marriage: times like this that are guaranteed for the rest of our lives. I know we'll go through hard times, just like we sometimes do now, but I'm not scared of those, because I know what we have and what we can get back to. Wedding or not, I can't wait to be his wife one day. I absolutely can't wait.

Hold it right there, tradition!

Damn. That's a hot-ass bride right thar

 I was just reading a thread on one of the many, many forums I go on (I have a bit of an addiction) about the upselling of bridal accessories such as veils at bridal shops. The poster said that the saleswoman was in disbelief that the bride wasn't going to wear a veil and still tried to coherce her into at least trying one on so the whole look will "come together."

Now, before I go on, I will admit that the first dress and veil combo I tried on did make me feel like a bride (swoon!) but I have a bit of a hatred (actually, a phobia is a better word for it) to all things stereotypical and traditional, so I was very much like "YEAH! Stick it to the man!" while reading this thread. Future bride: 1. Salesgirl on commission: 0.

She went on to ask if there are any other "tradition-stoppers" out there. And I piped in!

No! I will not be having my dad walk me down the aisle!
No! My fingernails will not be manicured in French-like ways!
No! A member of the clergy or government official will not be marrying us!
Yes! A big Southern homo is going to perform our wedding!
No! I am not wearing a veil!
No! There will not be one rose or one spot of pink in my wedding!
Yes! My fiance will be seeing me before the ceremony!
And YES I will sure as shit be walking down the aisle to a song from RENT instead of Canon in D!

Not to knock brides that do have their dads walk them down the aisle while their French-manicured fingers clutch red and/or white roses and Canon in D plays romantically in the background.

Oh, Angel. I'll cover youuuuu

It's just that Jonathan Larson's music and my big Southern, very very gay-bear officiant can do things the way I've always dreamed of!

Now, I'm not disregarding all tradition. I'm still doing the wedding as it is, so there's loads of tradition right there in one fell swoop. I'm having a nice white-ish dress and some sort of flower and a first dance (but to Barry White, mind you), but anything that screams "OH MY GOD THERE'S A BRIDE!" is what I'm sort of trying to avoid.

That's why when I see brides doing keg stands in their white dresses while their new husband holds their legs in the air, I get sort of happy, though I know I won't be getting to that point (did I mention that I don't drink, so there will be no engraved champagne flutes for me and my new husband sitting on our couples' table?). BUT it's women like that who change the look of the traditional brides out there. Ladies, set your roses aside! It's time to hold the funnel!

So, tradition be damned. I can do things my way because I CAN.