Saturday, August 21, 2010

Hold it right there, tradition!

Damn. That's a hot-ass bride right thar
 I was just reading a thread on one of the many, many forums I go on (I have a bit of an addiction) about the upselling of bridal accessories such as veils at bridal shops. The poster said that the saleswoman was in disbelief that the bride wasn't going to wear a veil and still tried to coherce her into at least trying one on so the whole look will "come together."

Now, before I go on, I will admit that the first dress and veil combo I tried on did make me feel like a bride (swoon!) but I have a bit of a hatred (actually, a phobia is a better word for it) to all things stereotypical and traditional, so I was very much like "YEAH! Stick it to the man!" while reading this thread. Future bride: 1. Salesgirl on commission: 0.

She went on to ask if there are any other "tradition-stoppers" out there. And I piped in!

No! I will not be having my dad walk me down the aisle!
No! My fingernails will not be manicured in French-like ways!
No! A member of the clergy or government official will not be marrying us!
Yes! A big Southern homo is going to perform our wedding!
No! I am not wearing a veil!
No! There will not be one rose or one spot of pink in my wedding!
Yes! My fiance will be seeing me before the ceremony!
And YES I will sure as shit be walking down the aisle to a song from RENT instead of Canon in D!

Not to knock brides that do have their dads walk them down the aisle while their French-manicured fingers clutch red and/or white roses and Canon in D plays romantically in the background.

Oh, Angel. I'll cover youuuuu
It's just that Jonathan Larson's music and my big Southern, very very gay-bear officiant can do things the way I've always dreamed of!

Now, I'm not disregarding all tradition. I'm still doing the wedding as it is, so there's loads of tradition right there in one fell swoop. I'm having a nice white-ish dress and some sort of flower and a first dance (but to Barry White, mind you), but anything that screams "OH MY GOD THERE'S A BRIDE!" is what I'm sort of trying to avoid.

That's why when I see brides doing keg stands in their white dresses while their new husband holds their legs in the air, I get sort of happy, though I know I won't be getting to that point (did I mention that I don't drink, so there will be no engraved champagne flutes for me and my new husband sitting on our couples' table?). BUT it's women like that who change the look of the traditional brides out there. Ladies, set your roses aside! It's time to hold the funnel!

So, tradition be damned. I can do things my way because I CAN.


  1. Yay!

    Beware: My in-laws bought toasting flutes for us, brought them to the wedding, and put them on our sweetheart table for us... How sweet of them... NOT! We didn't even have toasts so we didn't even use them. Oh well. It is the thought that counts.

    After my wedding my sister said the ceremony music surprised her and she thought I would talk down to here comes the bride... I guess she doesn't know me at all! LOL.

  2. lol, this made me laugh. :)

    Down with tradition!! Although I am one of those women that will have the engraved flutes. :p